I dove into the ocean Saturday and Sunday. Both times the water was refreshing and cleansing. I could feel all the negativity escaping and I felt a little more balanced and a lot cooler.
Coming home on the Sunday afternoon though it felt as though I had just picked up all this negative energy I had washed away and shoved it back into my head through the crown. I’m not sure if this is because both times I waded in the beautiful water, I didn’t put my head under, or that maybe the bad ju ju didn’t want to let go just yet.
Now that I was home I was focusing on trying to tick of this “to do list” before Monday morning come around. I also had these harsh words echoing in my mind from a few days before. I was hurting and I was tired and I was confused. The negative energy was back and with a vengeance.
As I rushed frantically around trying to do all these little jobs I had set myself, I caught a glimpse of a framed saying my sister had bought me.
“Do what makes your soul happy,” it says.
I shook my head a little and thought, “sometimes it’s not that easy”.
I continued to rush around for a little while longer until I almost felt defeated. My mind was telling me something as it wandered back to the frame.
As I looked at it again I realised…
I was frustrated with myself for practicing what I preach. I was frustrated at myself for the repercussions of listening to my soul.
A few days ago I turned down a job opportunity purely because it wouldn’t aid my soul. I would be getting paid a bit but I would lose out on time. Time with my family, time with my soul, time for me. I would have to quit gym, yoga, miss out on dinner at home, give up my work placement, maybe even my study and quite possibly my other casual job.
I knew, moments after the interview, it wasn’t for me. I knew it and so after I received an email that night from them (4 hours after the interview) I chose to decline their offer.
It angered them and the gave my site a bad review and told me not to “waste busy people’s time”.
I was hurt, not because of some people I had only met once, but hurt from taking care of myself and then feeling as though it was shoved right back in my face. Why, soul? I thought I was doing right by you? I started, unknowingly, punishing myself for the words of another.
When I confided in a ‘friend’ after receiving those emails she told me ,”the real world is a lot harder than turning down some rich, snobby people after an interview”.
Again, unconsciously, I punished myself for the words of another.
Back to Sunday night, I was still a little frustrated. The swims in the ocean didn’t help me align or balance, I was holding on to something that wouldn’t allow that. So I rolled out my Yoga mat as part of the 31 Day Yoga Revolution. That days practice was forgiveness. Little did I know it was exactly what my soul was calling for.
As Adriene welcomed us to the present and to the practice, I felt tears well in the corner of my eyes. As the practice went on she spoke of forgiveness and I felt her words resonate. My soul was calling for a little forgiveness and a lot of tender love.
I cried a little, I sighed a lot and I forgave my body and mind. I forgave myself for feeling frustrated, I forgave myself for being too concerned with someone else’s opinion and letting it shade my sight, I forgave myself for the horrible food and lack of exercise I had/ or hadn’t undertook over the weekend, and I tried to forgive the people who had hurt me recently.
I’m still working on the last one.
The practice came to an end, and although I went to sleep last night still thinking about what these people had said to me, I consciously allowed myself to acknowledge these thoughts and let them go. I wasn’t angry at myself and I am not angry at myself anymore.
I think when we feel so disconnected and so frustrated, it’s important to find the source of it. All I needed was to acknowledge the problem, forgive myself for getting so worked up about it and then let it go. It doesn’t take back the words that were said or the things that happened, but it aided in this soul searching and learning journey that I’m on.
If you want a little bit of forgiveness, try this practice: