Every six months I am obligated to see a nurse at my local doctors. We reevaluate the plan of attack on my Generalised Anxiety Disorder and see what is working and what is not. I always love our little meetings. From day one she was supportive and shared her experiences with the mental illness and also self discovery.
When first meeting her I had a small awakening. It wasn’t much, but she opened me up to being a little bit more accepting of my own nature. She was mindful and it inspired me to be the same.
After a few appointments she informed me that she could see I was a very sensitive person to the world around me. This was the ultimate epiphany. I was oblivious to the fact that I was so sensitive to not only my own thoughts and feelings, but to others and their thoughts and feelings, and when she explained this some things began to make sense.
I could understand now why arguments with friends and families took a very big toll on me, or why the mood of waitress would determine how I felt for the rest of the night. A smiling baby would bring about happy tears and an argument between friends in the street would make me mad.
I consume the universe around me and only now do I feel I am understanding this.
I’m not sure if this will aid in my determination to beat my anxiety but I know it will aid in finding myself. Discovering I was lost has shone a light. I guess you could call my anxiety a blessing… I’ve learnt so much about myself from it.
Before all of this, I would just do what is expected of me. Be intelligent, not too much intelligent, don’t ask questions, do ask questions, go to school, go to University, know what you’re going to do with your life, live a little, don’t waste time; the list goes on. I still am, in a way, a follower but now I am not so naive. My mind is open even when my mouth is not. I am on this journey to mindfulness, to self discovery; I am a soul searcher!
The term soul searcher has really stuck with me since beginning to read Emma Mildon’s incredibly enlightening book, The Soul Searchers Handbook: A Modern Girl’s Guide to the New Age World.
Although only a quarter of the way into the book I’ve already discovered how much of an “enlightened” person I am. She explains how a lighted soul is someone that feels connected to the suffering but also the growth of other beings. I wish there was another word I could use here, but again, I’ve discovered that my sensitivity is due to my enlightenment.
I am so open to others and there ideas or suffering. I am accepting and now I know I am happy to be so. I always thought I was so dramatic to feel and be so affected by the world around me. People I know just ponder through life so untouched by the things they see, feel or hear from others. I didn’t understand why and thought I was a drama queen.
Maybe a lot of other people need to “walk out of confinement” as Emma Mildon writes and it’s not me who needs to move backwards, it’s others who need to move forwards.
I feel this is the beginning of my spiritual journey, so I wish to share it all with you. Although I have other people and other experiences that have aided in my road to self discovery (a long one that I’ve just realised I was on and it has a lot of bumps), I thought to share these with you as it is the first thing that has really resonated with me.
Yes, I love Yoga. Yes, I love meditation and crystals and a bunch of things, but this simple connection between my mind and soul has been a real eye opener. Discovering my enlightenment has helped me get to know a huge part of myself.
So you’re witnessing the beginning of Teigan’s never ending soul searching road trip! Exciting, I hope you stick around.