The Road So Far

Since I’ve had a fairly new flow of traffic to my little blog I thought I would share a little bit more about myself and my fitness journey… I find this a little daunting as I am not a topic of interest but maybe there may be some inspiration here.

Last year after finally being given a medical diagnosis to the horrible fear and weight I carried around on my shoulders (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), I began to realise I wasn’t just carrying weight mentally. Physically my face was a lot rounder than it used to be, and my stomach made me look pregnant (sometimes this was due to anxiety as it would make me ill).

I realised that I was bigger than the norm. I wasn’t healthy and the weight gain had happened (in my eyes) so suddenly.


Me at the beginning of 2016 at an unhealthy 79 kg. 

I had always tried to lose weight… I just always did it the wrong way. I would do a few push ups or try a HIIT workout at home and get upset when I didn’t see the results. Not only was my anxiety in the process of blooming, my health was weighing down my mind as well. I got anxious for photos (And I never worry about photos- I am the selfie queen!) and felt disgusting in everything I wore.

I don’t know when the switch flicked and I developed a more healthy lifestyle. After some research and some questions I eventually began to cut out big bad carbs like bread and potato. With that change alone, walking up a 700m mountain every couple of days and drinking a lot of water I already began to feel lighter.

All of this was with the advice of others but especially the help of my partner who drove me to this mountain when I didn’t have license because I was too anxious. On the days I couldn’t climb a mountain I tried to go for walks with our dog. Eventually I tried to change my diet to eating raw and natural foods, anything processed and packaged was not on the list. I started to think of my fuelling my body with food not just eating because I wanted something.

Bananas became a staple food. Although full of natural sugars (which means too much can be not so good for you) I could make anything from those suckers. Pancakes, biscuits, smoothies, banana bread, ice cream, it is a never ending list.

Sourcing out the processed food for the natural foods was the best decision ever. I still make mistakes though, a lot of them. It’s only been about 4 months of complete change and some days I still reach for the tub of chocolate chip ice cream, but I’ve also learnt how to control those cravings and I’ve learnt how to not BINGE!

Those walks I began eventually turned into jogs with my partner and I signed up at his gym. By this point I had probably went down from 79kg (174 pounds) to about 75.5kg (166 pounds).

Although I don’t necessarily believe you be defined by a number on the scales.. Nor do I believe that 79kg is an unhealthy weight for everybody. You can be whatever size you please, no judgement from me, as long as you feel comfortable in your own body. I however did not feel comfortable in my own body at that weight.

My first goal was 75kg and then I would aim for the big one which was 70kg. Gym became super fun, although I could only go once or twice a week. Our mountain climbing scheduled was put on hold for a while as my partner got super busy. I began to jog on the treadmill for a bit instead of just walking. I learnt more about cardio and strength training, I learnt more about calorie intake and healthy foods. This  new lifestyle was becoming fun!

Come June I ran my first 1km on the treadmill without walking. To a lot of people this might not be an achievement but to me this was my body telling me it was healthier and it was strong. I was strong!

I began to compare myself less to the other people in the gym or the fitness freaks I saw on social media.

Then when I hit 72kg I began to plato. The weight didn’t come off as quickly and this made it  a lot harder to stay motivated. I kept at it though, every time I slipped up I would try again.

I’m now 67.5 kg with my new goal being 65kg. Pretty crazy stuff huh? I’ve hit a plato again, I keep slipping up with chocolate biscuits. When I’m stressed those sweets look so darn good. But it’s okay to treat yourself and it’s okay to indulge, a little indulging is better than some serious binging.

So here I am today, healthy and happier and pushing to reach my goal right now.


It’s not impossible to smash a goal, even with a mental illness, there is always a way to reach for exactly what you want.




6 thoughts on “The Road So Far

  1. This post is so inspiring! I also suffer with generalised anxiety disorder and I also struggle with my weight. I start to alter my lifestyle so I am healthy and then if I don’t see a change immediately my anxiety kicks in and I become conscious of the fact that I’m doing something wrong because it isn’t working straight away. This post has proved to me that it is possible I just need to stick with it. I’ve followed you, I can’t wait to read your blog and your future posts 🙂


    1. Thank you! That is amazing. Stick with it, it will happen and you will conquer. Eat raw, eat natural and listen to your body- not your anxiety! We can override it. Sending love your way. I’m so pleased this post has inspired you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. How do you overcome in getting yourself to exercise…not just physically but mentally as well. I’ve gain quite a bit of weight during since I was diagnosed depression and anxiety and I’m still on medication. I’ve been telling myself for the longest time that I’m going to start jogging or Swimming – tomorrow …but my tomorrow never came. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m just lazy. I don’t know what to think anymore. Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had tried to exercise before without eating right and failed. A lot. No motivation. So I know where you’re coming from. Don’t go for the big stuff, start out small or you’ll feel you can’t do it and you’ll go backwards. Maybe tomorrow aim for a walk, just see if you can try that.
      Getting on the right track for me started with walking about 1km every day I could and trying to eat right.
      I became more educated on good and bad stuff for the body and changed my thinking a little. I wanted to be mindful so I just wanted to learn, and that helped motivate me. YouTube had a big part in influencing me, I found recipes and workouts that worked for me sometimes.
      Trust me, I was where you are, and sometimes I still just get lazy.
      I am lucky and had my partner to support me but I am taking full responsibility, things really began to change when I ate right.
      When I ate right, I found the energy to exercise or go a little further.
      First you need to find that motivation to start, then you need to push yourself one rep or one breathe or one more second or one more metre further for the results. But getting to that point is hard, especially with a mental illness hindering us.
      However, it’s pushing over that one hurdle to first see results and you’ll keep moving forward.
      I wasn’t satisfied with the walking and switched it up to mountain climbing, I saw some weight drop but nothing much and I was certain I needed to join the gym.
      The gym works for me, but none of it works without eating right. Just fuel your body with less processed food and make your meals based around FRUIT and veg. It should give you the energy which should help a little with motivation.
      That worked for me, but it is all about finding what works for you.
      You could try sports and stuff if gym or running doesn’t work for you? We can get physical in many ways so don’t feel limited to one.
      I aim for 10,000 steps a day, 20-30 active minutes usually 5 days a week, a fruit full diet with veggies and raw foods (of course I still endulge) and just trying to focus on bettering myself. Being mindful. But that’s goal for everyday started out with the goal of just eating a piece of fruit and fitting in a walk to my day. You have to start somewhere
      I notice my bad days are when my anxiety is high, so keeping that in mind helps me go, “hey, this isn’t you. It doesn’t control every aspect of you. You can be healthy”.
      I wish I could give you more advice that made sense!! It’s hard to explain, but I’m still on the journey and I still fall off the wagon. I use my anxiety as motivation, it can’t stop me from doing everything.
      I know this isn’t what you probably needed to hear, I hope though you find motivation in kicking depression & anxiety’s ass!!

      Liked by 1 person

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