Shady’s Back

Oh hi there blog… I’m sorry, a lot has happened and I haven’t intentionally neglected you. Well in a way I have… I have just wanted to take everything in and the spill it all out on here when I really felt the need too.

So… I got my license! And a car! Horray for this anxious beauty! I must admit… I bawled after I’d finished the driving test. It was a lot of stress and my mind was struggling to process it- I cried even more once I’d found out I passed.

I think passing my driving test was a real hurdle that I managed to sort of pull myself up over. It’s opened the door to so many other things and it’s exciting but I wasn’t prepared for how daunting it is too. I’m so overwhelmed with my achievement that for a few days there I thought I could take on anything… And then when I tried and I failed I spiralled down.

We went to MovieWorld and I was so confident once I went on one ride, the anxiety would go away… But it didn’t, and this was a huge set back for me.

A continued appointments and my usual apprehensive self potted a long like usual until I finally got my car. Having it was meant to be great but ended up being super stressful. Now I had to drive on my own. TERRIFYING. I cried a lot, and made a lot of nervous mistakes (none life threatening and all simple) but I’ve kept driving and I’m glad.

Now my partner and I are staying at his Mum’s house while she is in Ireland. We are helping his older sister watch the younger sister (as she is a nurse and works odd shifts & my partner works odd shifts) so I am always here willing and able to pick his little sister up from dance or school and to watch her and just help out. It’s been a crazy experience for me.

I’ve loved it but I’ve also had my down moments. I’m very anxious if I have to drive somewhere I haven’t driven. I don’t know how to get there and I have to have my partner show me on google maps so I am prepared and I know what lane to be in etc.

I’m getting better though and I pray with time I will be able to just jump in the car and not think, just drive.

Dinners are also a struggle. As I’ve said before, I hate being stuck or feeling trapped and even though I am not stuck at the dinner table I feel like it. I feel rude to leave if I feel the need too and I panic majorly if there is any silence.

Week 1, with some major struggles is down. Week 2 is up next.

So far I’ve done well. Definitely had some bad days though. I haven’t slept away from home like this in almost 3 years. You can imagine the change is throwing me off. Physically I get very sick, and mentally I am so exhausted.

But hey, it’s all about exposing myself to these uncomfortable situations right? As my psychologist says anyway.

My partner likes to say, “You’ve got to be uncomfortable for a little in order to feel comfortable.”

And I get it, I do, I just want to always be comfortable. Haha.

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