Tattoos aren’t really my thing. I have nothing against marking your skin with beautiful designs- it is art- but I am so indecisive I can’t decide on what I want on my body forever.
I guess the issue comes with my anxiety. I mean I get anxious when my partner says we should swap sides of the bed. Change is scary and so is my mind.
My anxiety however inspired me to go ahead and permanently ink my skin. I didn’t have to cover my whole body in tattoos, so why the hell not? At the time I had to prove I had some sort of control over MY mind and MY body. I am not my anxiety, it does not consume me.
Sometimes I still feel that I am not in control but there are things that remind me I am. When I just can’t believe that I have that power those things remind me I will when my mind clears.
My tiny wrist tattoo is a symbol of that control I have. It is proof that I can do something I didn’t think I would ever do. I can sit in a room with a man and let him hold the pen that marks me with something that will be there forever.
Now, almost a year later, the thought of it being there forever isn’t as terrifying because my pride overrides the irrational fear.
A semi colon is printed in ink on my left wrist. Not only is this tiny punctuation mark a symbol to me of my control but it is a representation of how my story shall continue.
A semi colon is used as a pause rather than ending of a sentence. To me this is a constant reminder that sometimes I will struggle, I will need a break, I will feel broken but this doesn’t mean my sentence has to end. I will continue on writing and I will finish my story.
There is a movement called the semi colon project and many others that suffer from mental illness group together and find meaning in these simple punctuation marks (here is some more information… please take a look). They are a sign of struggle but also achievement. They are a representation of the good and the bad. They are proving there is a story after a pause, all you have to do is keep writing.
I’m not saying find peace in tattooing your body or in some form of punctuation; I’m saying find peace in knowing that life is tough but it is not the end.
So this is my little tattoo… I doubt I’ll ever get another… If I did I’d want something badass like ‘warrior’.